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The Men's Guide to Saying "I Love You"

by Charles Ngo
Aug 28th, 2007

"MARSHA Says: I know it's not a woman's related article but thought it was interesting...being from a man's point of view and all. Tee hee hee! Enjoy, anyway!"

The three powerful words with the ability to melt a woman's heart and create a multi-million dollar business for Hallmark. No matter how many times we hear it on songs or see it on cards, it still has a powerful emotional impact when said in person. Saying “I Love You” can solidify a relationship, or it can mess it up if said too soon. So guys here are my personal rules on using these words.

Don't Say It Before She Does

I've always believed that women should be the first to say it in a relationship. Think about it, we're the ones that have to approach, ask them for their number, ask them out, etc. It's not unreasonable for them to take the initiative for this is it?

A major problem with guys saying it first is we can say it too early and mess things up. You could be seen as clingy or weak in her eyes if she doesn't feel the same. I had a friend a few years back that had a habit of telling women he loved them a little early in the relationships. When one of them dumped him, he said he thought she loved him. She replied, “I only say it because you said it.”

It's better to wait for her to say it first, then you know she means it.

Show Her, Don't Tell Her

Saying it doesn't make her “feel” as it as much as showing her. How do you show her? It's all about the little details and being creative. Is she sick? Then go over there and bring her some soup and medicine. If she nervous about her upcoming job interview? Text her saying she's going to be awesome. What's the point of saying it if you're not going to show her.

Also, don't just show your affections around the times it's expected like her birthday, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, etc. Showing your feelings when it's unexpected will excite her.

Use It Scarcely

The less you say it, the more powerful it will be each time you say - just like compliments. You don't want her to get “use” to hearing it or else she'll put it in the same category as hearing “hi.” It can also be useful sometimes to say it. Did something bad and piss her off? If you tell her you love her it can calm the situation, but not if she's use to hearing it all the time.

Don't Say It If You Don't Mean It

Too many negative consequences playing with a woman's emotions. You can get anything you want for her while still being honest, and that's better in the long run.

What If She Says It, But You Don't Feel the Same?

So she tells you she loves you, but you're not quite ready to say it back. You can be smooth like Han Solo and reply, “I know” but I'm not sure how well that works in real life.

I think a good reply is “I'm not sure if I love you yet, but I've never felt this way about someone before.” You're not saying you love her, yet she'll walk away with the same feeling.

You can always ignore what she said and just kiss her, but that's just delaying the inevitable.

Falling in love can be a beautiful thing, and using the words doesn't have to be complicated if you follow this guide.

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